IC INBOX (EL NYSA)

[valcurie]

 

Mercy here. If you need me, just say! No need to ask for special sausages, I'll gladly watch over you."

--Beep

 

 

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[ofobedience]

[And no doubt he'll determine that for himself, in time. See for himself that she has her own strength. Perhaps interacting with people away from that place will allow him to come to realise that compassion and kindness and even tears are not the same as weakness, but for now it's hard to see outside of the confines of his own existence, Only knows what's been hammered into him.

As for making offers...it's far more likely that he'll slink about, keep watch. Do things in his own, not entirely rational, way. Better not to overtly state that he wishes to protect someone, not even to himself.]

It's what the Orbiters asked of me. I'm sure you heard something similar, prior to landing.

As for why you'd want to help me, I suppose the goal in life that you've just stated explains it. Admittedly, prior to that, your interest confounded me.

[valcurie]

( Well, in her own way she would have been able to sympathise with that: she shouldn't ever lay down her life for another, not when her position such is an important one, and it is not bragging to say that she's had a profoundly important impact on the world that's hers. Still, sometimes she sees certain people in particularly egregious pain, and because of that they just kind of stick to her. If something happens to them, she's more likely to blame herself for failing them, more than anything. Such personal investment could dangerous, )

Yes, they did. But it is my decision to actually do so.

Yes. And I will have you know, I am not a completely impractical person. If I thought you didn't need my help, I would let you be.

[ofobedience]

[Well-- he'll be around now, subtly watching out for her, his recently acquired position within the Guard at least putting him in a good position to do so. Perhaps sooner or later she'll realise what he's up to, come to see it as further evidence that he's more capable of caring than he, himself, is fully aware of.]

I can't claim the same for myself. I owe the Orbiters a debt for mending my biggest of faults, so to speak, and in return for watching over Mother until such a time as she's able to wake.

[Never mind that it would be better for him, better for everyone, if she never does.]

I did as was asked of me for these reasons alone.

And, in truth, I struggle to see why you believe I require help. As I've previously mentioned, my body takes care of itself. I have little need of medical assistance.

[valcurie]

( when, rather than if, she does realise what he's doing, it of course won't come as a surprise to her. and, when the times comes, she'll use it accordingly. for now, she spends some time crafting her reply. she wants him to think. not just shove it all aside. )

Are you grateful to them?

Until you can see why I am helping you, I want to continue doing so. You don't have to let it trouble you; I think, in time, you will just realise it. I do not wish to cause you any more distress.

If that is too vague, consider this. Are you certain that your body, if left alone, would be able to sustain itself? You are sure it never needs to be looked after, ever again?

[ofobedience]

[There's a delay between her response and his, a lengthy pause as he reads and rereads the message, takes it in, and she'd be forgiven for momentarily thinking that he'd once again decided to cut the conversation short. Because it does frustrate him, what she's saying here, leaves him feeling vaguely indignant in a way that he doesn't quite understand. He doesn't want to be seen as 'distressed', doesn't like the subtle implications that he somehow needs assistance in a way she believes him incapable of grasping, just yet.

But nor can he quite bring himself to tell her to leave him alone. Things have been said, he won't forget, her words are in him now. And so in the end he responds with a dismissal of sorts, but responds all the same.]

I don't require food in order to live. I'm immune to all known poisons and pathogens. I regenerate even from loss of limbs or a bullet to the head; it hurts, of course, but I survive it. As I say, there is very little I need.

[Never mind the suspicion in him that she's referring to something other than those physical functions. For the moment, he doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't know how to.]

As for whether I'm grateful...I both am and am not. They fixed something in me I believed to be irrevocably broken, and as such they prevented a fate worse than death. I owe them something for that. But if they'd left me to be devoured by the Storm, that too would have fixed my problem.

[And perhaps death would have been preferable-- it's what he'd wanted, before waking up to find that he'd been fixed. Now he has to learn to adjust to a world that is not his, something he doesn't really believe himself capable of. To die along with his twisted world...it has a certain appeal.]

[valcurie]

( She's not, of course, referring to his outward physical conditions. Whether he's being obtuse or not, she's just going to come right out and say what she's started to suspect. What he's alluded to with the Orbiters only strengthens what she thinks are signs. )

Are you really certain that you're stable, now? That your body won't unravel in a way that it can't help?

If anything, I can keep an eye on you. I am glad to. I think we both know, right now, I am one of your better chances if something happens.

[ofobedience]

[He's really unaccustomed to being called out whenever he attempts to be purposefully vague, or sidestep something he'd rather not discuss. As a result, there's another moment of perplexed frustration in the wake of her reply, both at her inability to take his hint and leave things unsaid, and at the sight of one of his myriad fears laid out before him in black and white.

He never has been stable. None of them were, Angelika's dogs-- when one houses a mad canine entity in one's Spine, it's a little hard to maintain a grip on oneself. Likewise, when one's body has been pushed to the limits by extensive experimentation, one becomes riddled with fissures and faultlines just waiting to split open.

But of course, he says none of that. Sticks with something simple and safe instead--]

You can believe what you like, I suppose. I won't prevent you from your task if you're really so keen to keep an eye on me. Even if I believe your efforts would be better spent elsewhere.

[valcurie]

In my professional opinion, you should worry about yourself. All that you should be concerned about, is whether I make you too uncomfortable or not. I do not wish to harm you.

( Feelings, once again, but she doesn't employ the word this time. She knows she unnerves him--and there's no getting around that. At this point, it's a matter of managing to not do irrevocable harm to him. No matter what he claims, some of it is bluster, and she can tell he would rather he could shake off her concerns like a dog shaking off so much water. But it resonates with him, doesn't it? Before he pushes it aside something like a voice in the back of his mind tells him, she's right. She's not wrong in thinking he needs care.

He has yet to show her he truly doesn't want it. )

[ofobedience]

[he'd like to show her that he doesn't want it. He'd like to. Wants to tell her to back off and back down, to keep out of things she doesn't understand and that if he's gone this far without receiving one moment of care, he can certainly carry on in that vein. But the fact remains that despite his frustrations and unsettled feelings, there's a draw here, too. Something that had him coming back to apologise rather than refusing to engage.

And so here they are. She isn't entirely wrong. Even if he insists on meeting her concerns with the bravado he's become so accustomed to falling back on that it fits him like a second skin.]

Then we'll just have to agree to disagree. I have nothing to worry about, and nor do you. But as I said, should you wish to, I won't deny you. And if it makes you feel any better, I'll be sure to make my grievances clear should you overstep any bounds.

[valcurie]

( As much as she'd like to make more progress and get to him, she is satisfied with how thing are now. Has to be, if she doesn't want to risk pushing him away out of her reach entirely.

And, it goes without saying that she doesn't think to force him to open up. To order him, or treat him in anyway like the dog he claims to be. He is a person to her; she will convince him of that. One day. )

I would not call this an impasse because I think we both understand each other a little better now. For the better.

Please. I pray that you do. ( Because then he'd be telling her how he felt. It's a win-win, really. )

[ofobedience]

[And again, he isn't entirely sure how to respond to that. What to make of it. Feels vaguely uncomfortable for reasons he can't put into words. She's just so different to anyone he's ever known and as such is at something of a loss, feels both drawn in and repelled.

And so again, he settles for words that convey very little of what he actually feels.]

Well. I think I've said what I wanted to say.